Sometimes I hear a song and it brings up feelings that, in that moment, I want to feel... so I put the song on repeat to prolong the moment and prevent the next song from lifting my mood out of that moment. Most of the time these feelings are reflective sadness, that I pushed down at some point and for whatever reason, in that moment I actually want to feel them and work through them.
This was the song today
Days like today feel like floating reminders that one day I will probably look back and think that none of the things at the top of my priority list really mattered in the end and that I could die before any of this hard work pays off. Not the most upbeat thought process, but what I'm feeling none the less.
I have studying in chemistry, biology, and genetics to do along with reading and my room is a disaster area... but all I want to do is curl up in a ball and watch a marathon of Grey's Anatomy. I've managed to make friends with my ex's new girlfriend, who at the moment doesn't know I am his ex... this could be a problem next Saturday when she and I spend a good chunk of the day together with people who will undoubtedly drunkenly mention it. So this has been on my mind all day. I believe if I were in her shoes, I'd want to know and I'd want to have been informed of this by him rather than going through that awkward moment of realization surrounded by people I just met. Oh, and did I mention that our plans involve an adult toy party? Yeah... even I am wondering if I am purposely trying to twist that knife in my heart a little more until the pain becomes numbness.
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