Lately I've been getting a lot of messages from guys who are interested in me in one way or another. Some are blunt about wanting only a fun/playful friendship, while others seem a bit more interested in more. There is one guy that I am interested in and would like to get to know better, but it's such a complicated situation. While I do realize that the way things are is probably for the best considering I have so much already going on in my life, I can't help but feel sad that there is no dating going on. No chance of a valentine's surprise. No looking forward to the weekend because I get to see anyone in particular. No hanging out and being goofy/giddy while getting to know each other.
It's been a week since I met the ex's new girl and as of today they are officially together... I'm happy for him, really I am. Happy to see him happy and with a girl who treats him good and doesn't take him for granted. I just can't help but feel a little sad that once again, I'm watching the man I'm in love with move on.
So for now, I'm laying here in my nice comfy bed, with my new sheets and pillows... alone and really feeling alone. I have these big dreams for myself and goals and passions that I want to pursue, it's just hard when I also want so badly to find that person who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.
This painting hangs in my room. It's one of the few things that I kept when I moved away from Colorado because it's like looking at a painting of myself from the point of view of someone who really sees me for me. She looks like a dancer, burlesque style, and she is offstage in deep thought. This is the side of her that she normally keeps inside, the weight of the world on her shoulders, but when the lights go on, she is smiling and full of confidence... a performer, not to fool people, just to survive and maintain sanity.
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