Exhausted. I am emotionally drained, my body aches, and my brain is tired of thinking and studying all this science. As much as I love the subject, I am to the point where all I want to do is spend a day in bed. This wouldn't be all that surprising, accept that I just got over being sick and spending 3 straight days in bed.
Been thinking a lot about wishes lately. Clear, cold, starry nights... candles... dreams... I even make wishes every time the trip odometer on my car reads all the same digits (ex: 22.2, 111.1, 99.9 etc). I don't necessarily believe that my wishes will come true, but I do believe that making the wish is important. Putting my dreams into words and out into the world is important. If for no other reason, just to keep them fresh in my mind. Dreaming is important. Not just the kind that comes from your brain getting good sleep, that's important, too, but not as important as having a dream.
I would definitely consider myself a dreamer. I am proud to be one, too. I enjoy dreaming up my dreams and sharing them with people who support me and therefore support them. I don't really know why all this is on my mind.
I guess the exhausted feeling is more of a drained feeling. I have been working my ass off at work and school and I've been saving for a new bed (the one I sleep on sucks and is not really mine... plus, I bought a queen size bed and all the bedding to go with it only to sleep in it for just less than a month before I found out the man I was sharing that bed with realized he was no longer in love. I left the next day, he kept the bed. So, needless to say, a new bed would be a good way to make up for that last regret.) Anyway, I've been saving and I got within $50 of my goal, only to be reminded (by a giant tree in Walmart) that Christmas is just over a month away. Thought I was okay with the idea of cutting my bed savings in half to avoid the extra holiday stress, but then I failed a lab practical that I studied my ass off for. Still waiting to see if that grade is going to blow my 4.0 out of reach for the semester.
I'm drained because I give and give and give, or really work and study and give, and it feels like I'm not getting a whole lot back to show for it. In reality, I know that my hard work will pay off in the end, of course it will. But tell that to my body that aches because this bed doesn't support it at night and to my brain/pride that felt so confident after learning all those "exact scientific names, spelling, and pronunciation" only to find out that was only going to help me with 3 of the 70 questions. I just simply want to be pleasantly surprised, somehow, by someone else. Or eat comfort food, watch endless episodes of Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, and Friday Night Lights so that I will have a real reason to cry.
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