Had a dream last night that even with today's events, I cannot seem to get out of my head. Nothing all that dramatic. I dreamed that I had a baby girl, or more accurately, I realized I had a baby girl. It was like realizing I was pregnant, but instead of being pregnant, I had a baby... right there in my hands. She was beautiful. And soft and warm. And at first I was a little in disbelief, like I wasn't all that sure that she was mine (the thought of birth never entered my mind as a factor in the equation) but there was this point where I was holding her and noticed how her skin felt so soft and warm and instantly I felt love. I felt protective and wanted nothing more than to make sure she had a great happy life.

There wasn't much to the dream. I woke up to my alarm this morning dazed and upset at being pulled out of the dream... but mostly upset that she wasn't really mine. I don't know if this is my minds way of telling me something or just the result of my brain processing day to day events. I've thought about this all day and while showering this morning, I even considered how practical it would be to try and keep my job as bartender and continue as a student while pregnant. I'm not. It's not likely to happen any time soon with current circumstances and being on birth control. But it makes me wonder.